An Open Letter to Lisa McMann

Dear Ms. McMann,

Please stop writing books.

This is a very serious request. To this date, you have written and published two novels, Wake and Fade. Because of your books, I have on two occasions been compelled to read deep into the night, and in this manner I have lost two good nights of sleep. I can only conclude that any further books written by you will lead to long nights with the bedside lamp switched on, frantically reading. I will not have it! I must firmly request that you stop at once.

If you insist on continuing with your flagrant book-publishing, I have a few suggestions that may alleviate the problem.  Please take the following requests into account in any and all future books.

1. If there is one thing on which I really must insist, it is a general loosening-up of your writing style.  This tight, exciting prose will be the death of me!  If every sentence did not compel me to read the next, perhaps I would be able to put your books down long enough to get a few good hours of sleep.  Perhaps you could insert some clunky dialogue?

2. Your characters must – MUST – be less compelling.  In fact, it would be best if Janie and Cabel could be excised completely, and less interesting characters could be inserted in their place.  If I am forced back inside of Janie’s head, where I can see the fascination, terror and exhaustion that are caused by her ability to see other people’s dreams, I will most certainly not be able to put your book down.  And Cabel, with his terrible past and his willpower and determination to do good, both in his relationship with Janie and in his work,  is much too sympathetic a character.

3. In a related note, the tumultuous romance between Cabel and Janie is much too intense.  If you persist in writing about these characters, their relationship must be taken back a notch.  As it currently stands, their emotions are too strong!  Their sense of discovery of themselves and each other is too genuine!  Their frustrations with one another are too palpable!  Their sex is too sexy!

4. Slower pacing is a necessity in any future novels.  Constantly throwing your readers from horrific nightmare to sweet and sexy romance to exciting mystery causes agitation and suspense, forcing the reader to keep turning pages until the very end of the book.

Thank you for your time.  I look forward to not reading your books in the future.

Sleepily yours,

Laura Koenig